I only kidnapped one of them. chill
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
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