No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
