Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Randomize
