I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
