Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
