Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
she pinky promised me she was 18
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
