i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
