When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize