I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
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