you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
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