Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
Randomize
