Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
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