dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
i just had sex bonerless
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
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