Are we in a gay sports bar?
My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
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