im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
