this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
