Taylor Swift is so right about you.
your room smells of hookers.
And success
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
I didn't notice because vodka
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize
