it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Randomize
