3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Randomize
