I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
Holy sore nipples Batman
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
Randomize
