PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
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