My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
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