Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
Mom said you looked used
The chlamydia really affected his face.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
