if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Randomize
