She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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