Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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