I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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