Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Randomize
