She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
BRING THE BAGELS
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
