Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
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