she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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