Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
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