it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
