Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
