I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Randomize
