I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
