I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
