the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize