I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
He felt like a one man threesome
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
