Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Randomize
