I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
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