i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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