this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
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