I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
Randomize
