How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
