y did u give ur computer a hand job?
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Randomize
