New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Randomize
