You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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