I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
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