I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
