remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
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