I want to have your abortion
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
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