i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
Little spoons don't ask big questions
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
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