if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
wakey wakey hands off snakey
it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Randomize
