I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Randomize
