Whod you bang
hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
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