i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
Are these your boobs on my camera?
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