Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
