Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize