I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
Randomize
