Your dad touched me again.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Randomize
