I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Randomize