I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Randomize
